Christmas Time...

So I opted out of Christmas this year.  I decided that I'm just going to work my ass off and give most of my paychecks to my brother.  I owe him 3 months worth of rent when I was broke and out of work... and he isn't letting me hear the end of it.

This is the first time I won't be participating  and honestly I'm not all that upset.  All year long, our family plays this shitty game of telephone and then on Christmas, we're supposed to trade gifts and act like a family?  I'm over it.

Communication was never our strong point, but between all the therapy and phycho-tropics I've tried (and finally mastered), I seem to be the only one who's got a handle on my issues.  I love my family,  and don't get me wrong... they're the only one I'll ever have, but... and there's a BIG but...

I'm tired of being the black sheep because of the life I've chosen to live.  I work in retail at the moment, so I don't make tons of money, I'm covered in tattoos, I often times can be reclusive and like to spend time on my own... but I'm not a bad person.

I don't deserve to be treated like a stranger by my brother in my own house.  I don't need him telling my mom to tell me how he feels when he's literally right down stairs... I could also do without my mom's once a month mood swing when she decides to ignore me for 2 weeks.

My Dad is clueless to any of this, btw...

I feel like I've got Gareth and my co-workers to save me from my own mind and my substantial loneliness as of late.  I don't know what I would do without them.

I've also started smoking again.

I promise you that this blog won't always be such a buzz-kill.  I truly hate this time of year... it's as as if everything piled up from the entire year explodes into a ball of resentment and disgust.  Bring on 2011...

C