By request...

So I seemed to have gotten a little lazy lately and haven't kept with my promise to update and write everyday.

I watched 'Frida' yesterday, with Salma Hayek and it was boring as hell.  The only redeeming parts of this movie were the lesbian scenes and multiple shots of her titties.  I'm a pervert who has lesbian tendencies and I'm proud of it.  Suck it, Trebek.

I still haven't done any of my Christmas shopping, therefore, I'm not feeling all that festive at the moment.  I don't get paid until midnight on the 22nd, so yeah... needless to say, I'm feeling a little jealous of all the Holiday shoppers at Macy's carrying around mulitple bags and spending loads of money.  At least I have a list that keeps growing of what I need to get...

My boyfriend gets here in 5 days.  And thank God, 'cause mama needs a non-self-inflicted orgasm in a big way.

Which brings me onto my final point of the day... it's a proven fact that women who don't masturbate everyday, live shorter, less fulfilling lives.  Just sayin'...

Love,
C

I've got growing pains...

I thought you stop growing in 8th grade?

A modern Man...

I'm a modern man,
A man for the millennium,
Digital and smoke free.
A diversified multicultural postmodern deconstructionist,
Politically anatomically and ecologically incorrect.
I've been uplinked and downloaded.
I've been inputted and outsourced.
I know the upside of downsizing.
I know the downside of upgrading.
I'm a high tech lowlife.
A cutting edge state-of-the-art bicoastal multitasker,
And I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond.
I'm new wave but I'm old school,
And my inner child is outward bound.
I'm a hot wired heat seeking warm hearted cool customer,
Voice activated and biodegradable.
I interface from a database,
And my database is in cyberspace,
So I'm interactive, 
I'm hyperactive,
And from time-to-time, 
I'm radioactive.
Behind the eight ball,
Ahead of the curve,
Riding the wave,
Dodging a bullet,
Pushing the envelope.
I'm on point, 
On task, 
On message, 
And off drugs.
I got no need for coke and speed,
I got no urge to binge and purge.
I'm in the moment,
On the edge,
Over the top,
But under the radar.
A high concept, 
Low profile, 
Medium range ballistic missionary.
A street-wise smart bomb.
A top gun bottom feeder.
I wear power ties,
I tell power lies,
I take power naps,
I run victory laps.
I'm a totally ongoing bigfoot slam dunk rainmaker with a proactive outreach.
A raging workaholic.
A working ragaholic.
Out of rehab,
And in denial.
I got a personal trainer,
A personal shopper,
A personal assistant,
And a personal agenda.
You can't shut me up,
You can't dumb me down.
'Cause I'm tireless,
And I'm wireless.
I'm an alpha male on beta blockers.
I'm a non-believer and an over-achiever.
Laid back but fashion forward.
Up front, 
Down home, 
Low rent, 
High maintenance.
Super size,
Long lasting,
High definition,
Fast acting,
Oven ready,
And built to last.
I'm a hands on, 
Foot loose, 
Knee jerk, 
Head case.
Prematurely post traumatic,
And I have a love child who sends me hate mail.
But I'm feeling,
I'm caring,
I'm healing,
I'm sharing.
A supportive bonding nurturing primary care giver.
My output is down,
But my income is up.
I take a short position on the long bond,
And my revenue stream has its own cash flow.
I read junk mail,
I eat junk food,
I buy junk bonds,
I watch trash sports.
I'm gender specific,
Capital intensive,
User friendly,
And lactose intolerant.
I like rough sex.
I like rough sex.
I like tough love.
I use the f word in my email,
And the software on my hard drive is hard core, no soft porn.
I bought a microwave at a mini mall.
I bought a mini van in a mega store.
I eat fast food in the slow lane.
I'm toll free,
Bite sized,
Ready to wear,
And I come in all sizes.
A fully equipped,
Factory authorized,
Hospital tested,
Clinically proven,
Scientifically formulated medical miracle.
I've been pre-washed,
Pre-cooked,
Pre-heated,
Pre-screened,
Pre-approved,
Pre-packaged,
Post-dated,
Freeze-dried,
Double-wrapped,
Vacuum-packed,
And I have an unlimited broadband capacity.
I'm a rude dude,
But I'm the real deal.
Lean and mean.
Cocked, locked and ready to rock.
Rough tough and hard to bluff.
I take it slow.
I go with the flow.
I ride with the tide.
I got glide in my stride.
Drivin' and movin',
Sailin' and spinnin',
Jivin' and groovin',
Wailin' and winnin'.
I don't snooze,
So I don't lose.
I keep the pedal to the metal,
And the rubber on the road.
I party hearty,
And lunch time is crunch time.
I'm hanging in,
There ain't no doubt.
And I'm hanging tough,
Over and out.


Rest in peace, Georgie...

I feel...

sexy and confident today.  It's been months and months since I've truly believed this about myself.

I'm running with it and wearing a mini skirt to work today to flaunt it.

Christmas Time...

So I opted out of Christmas this year.  I decided that I'm just going to work my ass off and give most of my paychecks to my brother.  I owe him 3 months worth of rent when I was broke and out of work... and he isn't letting me hear the end of it.

This is the first time I won't be participating  and honestly I'm not all that upset.  All year long, our family plays this shitty game of telephone and then on Christmas, we're supposed to trade gifts and act like a family?  I'm over it.

Communication was never our strong point, but between all the therapy and phycho-tropics I've tried (and finally mastered), I seem to be the only one who's got a handle on my issues.  I love my family,  and don't get me wrong... they're the only one I'll ever have, but... and there's a BIG but...

I'm tired of being the black sheep because of the life I've chosen to live.  I work in retail at the moment, so I don't make tons of money, I'm covered in tattoos, I often times can be reclusive and like to spend time on my own... but I'm not a bad person.

I don't deserve to be treated like a stranger by my brother in my own house.  I don't need him telling my mom to tell me how he feels when he's literally right down stairs... I could also do without my mom's once a month mood swing when she decides to ignore me for 2 weeks.

My Dad is clueless to any of this, btw...

I feel like I've got Gareth and my co-workers to save me from my own mind and my substantial loneliness as of late.  I don't know what I would do without them.

I've also started smoking again.

I promise you that this blog won't always be such a buzz-kill.  I truly hate this time of year... it's as as if everything piled up from the entire year explodes into a ball of resentment and disgust.  Bring on 2011...

C